Introduction

In a heartfelt and introspective piece, Boakyewaa Glover delves into one of the most fundamental human desires: the need to be witnessed, understood, and validated. This article explores Glover’s personal journey, the psychological underpinnings of this need, and practical advice for those who share this profound longing. By examining Glover’s experiences and the insights of renowned psychologists, we aim to shed light on the importance of being seen and understood in human relationships.

Key Points

Background

The Personal Journey of Boakyewaa Glover

Boakyewaa Glover, a prominent voice in mental health advocacy, shares her deeply personal struggle with the need to be witnessed. Glover’s reflections are not just about being seen superficially but about being understood at a core level—her intentions, motivations, pain, and trauma. This need is not about seeking fame or recognition but about achieving a genuine connection and validation from those around her.

The Psychological Foundation

The concept of being witnessed is deeply rooted in psychological theories of attachment and trauma. Dr. Gabor Maté, a renowned expert in trauma and addiction, highlights that the essence of trauma is not being seen and understood. This idea resonates with Glover’s experiences, as she describes her desperate attempts to communicate her inner world to others, often feeling misunderstood and unseen.

Analysis

The Need to Be Witnessed

The need to be witnessed is a fundamental human desire that goes beyond mere recognition. It involves being seen and understood at a deep, emotional level. This need is particularly pronounced in individuals who have experienced trauma or attachment ruptures in their early lives. When a person’s inner experiences are not reflected, validated, or protected, their nervous system remains on high alert, constantly scanning for signs of being seen and understood.

Communication and Misunderstanding

Glover’s experiences highlight the challenges of communicating this need. She often finds herself overexplaining, sending long messages, and seeking validation through various means. These behaviors are frequently misunderstood as combative or argumentative, leading to further feelings of being unseen and unheard. This cycle of misunderstanding can exacerbate the pain and trauma associated with not being witnessed.

The Impact of Trauma

Trauma plays a significant role in the need to be witnessed. When individuals experience trauma, their nervous system adapts to ensure survival. For Glover, this adaptation manifests as a desperate need to explain herself better, louder, and more clearly in the hope that she will finally be seen and understood. This survival response is a common trait among those who have experienced trauma, as their nervous system is constantly seeking validation and recognition.

Practical Advice

Safe Witnessing

One of the key steps in healing the wounds of being unseen is practicing safe witnessing. This involves choosing safer witnesses—individuals who are capable of seeing and understanding you— and tolerating that some people may not be able to provide the validation you seek. Safe witnessing also includes internalizing your own witness, recognizing your own worth and validity, and building relationships where mirroring is reciprocal.

Self-Validation

Self-validation is a crucial aspect of healing. It involves recognizing and accepting your own emotions, experiences, and needs without relying solely on external validation. By practicing self-validation, you can begin to internalize the understanding and recognition you seek from others, reducing the dependency on external sources for validation.

Building Reciprocal Relationships

Building relationships where mirroring is reciprocal can also aid in the healing process. These relationships involve mutual understanding, validation, and support. By engaging in reciprocal relationships, you can create a safe space where your need to be witnessed is met, and you can also provide the same validation and understanding to others.

Frequently Asked Questions

What does it mean to be witnessed?

Being witnessed means being seen and understood at a deep, emotional level. It involves having your inner experiences, intentions, and motivations recognized and validated by others.

Why is the need to be witnessed so strong in some people?

The need to be witnessed is particularly strong in individuals who have experienced trauma or attachment ruptures in their early lives. These experiences can lead to a constant scanning for signs of being seen and understood, as their nervous system remains on high alert.

How can I communicate my need to be witnessed without being misunderstood?

Communicating the need to be witnessed can be challenging. It is important to be clear and concise in your communication, avoiding overexplaining or sending long messages that may be misunderstood. Seeking therapy or support groups can also provide a safe space to practice communicating this need.

What is safe witnessing?

Safe witnessing involves choosing safer witnesses—individuals who are capable of seeing and understanding you—and tolerating that some people may not be able to provide the validation you seek. It also includes internalizing your own witness and building relationships where mirroring is reciprocal.

How can self-validation help in the healing process?

Self-validation involves recognizing and accepting your own emotions, experiences, and needs without relying solely on external validation. By practicing self-validation, you can begin to internalize the understanding and recognition you seek from others, reducing the dependency on external sources for validation.

Conclusion

Boakyewaa Glover’s reflections on the need to be witnessed offer a profound insight into a fundamental human desire. This need, deeply rooted in psychological theories of attachment and trauma, highlights the importance of being seen and understood at a deep, emotional level. By practicing safe witnessing, self-validation, and building reciprocal relationships, individuals can begin to heal the wounds of being unseen and misunderstood. Glover’s journey serves as a powerful reminder of the importance of validation and recognition in human relationships and the profound impact it can have on our emotional well-being.